The nursery bag is ready, the spare clothes are labelled, and then your child wraps both arms around your leg. A difficult goodbye can leave you unsettled long after you have walked away. It helps to have a small, shared plan with the people caring for your child, rather than inventing a new approach at the doorway each morning.
Make a plan with the nursery first
Ask who will welcome your child and how the first sessions will work. Find out whether a familiar comfort object can come in, what happens if your child stays upset and when staff can update you. Agree on a realistic arrangement that fits the nursery as well as your family.
Use our “All about me” sheet to describe what helps your child feel comfortable. Include their preferred name, words or gestures for asking for help, favourite play and what usually soothes them. Give medical information, allergies and collection permissions through the nursery’s own secure forms; this sheet does not replace them.
Practise the story, not a perfect performance
At home, use a teddy to act out arriving, hanging up a coat, saying goodbye and being collected. Let your child decide what teddy does first. A familiar sequence gives you something concrete to talk about without asking, “Are you worried?” over and over.
Keep explanations short and accurate: “You will play here with Jo. I will come back after lunch.” Only name a collection point you can keep. If someone else is collecting, say so and follow the nursery’s authorisation procedure.
Choose a goodbye you can repeat
Try three steps: put belongings away, greet the member of staff, then share a hug or wave and a short goodbye. Some children prefer a high-five or simply hearing the same words. The printable cards offer a sequence you can adapt; they are not a test to complete.
Acknowledge the feeling: “You want me to stay. Jo is here to help you, and I am coming back.” Avoid promising that nobody will cry or that everything will be fun. Once you have handed over to staff, follow the agreed plan rather than repeatedly leaving and returning.
Ask what happens after you leave
The doorway is only one part of the day. Ask staff what your child did afterwards: whether they accepted comfort, joined an activity, ate or rested. Specific observations help you decide together whether the plan needs changing.
At collection, allow a little quiet reconnection before asking questions. You could say, “I’m glad to see you,” and let the journey home be uneventful. There is no need to turn each afternoon into a detailed interview.
When the routine needs more support
Some separations remain difficult despite a thoughtful routine. If distress is intense, continues for a long time after you leave, or persists over several weeks, speak with the nursery and your health visitor or GP. Changes in sleep, illness, family circumstances or the care environment may also need attention.
The aim is a supported transition, not a deadline for becoming independent. Review the plan together and keep the parts that help.
